1. “Did we just become best friends?”
2. “Hey man. Did you touch my drum set?”
3. “It’s just weird, ’cause, it seems like someone definitely touched my drumset.”
4. “I know you touched my drumstick, ’cause the left one has a chip in it.”
5. “Are you f@cking crazy, man? You sound insane. Do you realize that? You should be medicated.”
6. “F@ck you Brennan! I know you touched my drumset, and I wanna hear that dirty little mouth admit it.”
7. “Now I’m gonna play your drum set! Close your eyes. Let the dirt just shower over you…”
8. “DON’T YOU TOUCH MY DRUMS!”
9. “Zombie! ZOMBIE! Get off me, zombie!”
10. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
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11. “Did you touch my drumset?”
12. “I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set.”
13. “Listen, I know that we started out as foes. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.”
14. “I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that’s what you mean.”
15. “I just want you to know I hate you. And so does my dad.”
16. “Well the only reason you’re living here, is because me and my dad decided that your mom was really hot, and maybe we should just both bang her.”
17. “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.”
18. “You’re not a doctor… you’re a big, fat, curly-headed f@ck!”
19. “I hope you stay still when you sleep, ’cause I’m gonna put a rat trap between your legs.”
20. “I’m going to take a pillowcase, and fill it full of bars of soap, and beat the sh!t out of you.”
21. “Okay, here’s the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta f@ck one, marry one, kill one, go!”
22. “You have the voice of an angel. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.”
23. “On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three. Velociraptor.”
24. “Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to. Good Housekeeping.”
25. “If you were a chick, who’s the one guy you’d sleep with? John Stamos.”
26. “I’ll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.”
27. “The clown has no penis.”
